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thatch

[written] [Locked from Marco]

Well, this is an interesting turn of events. I wonder what drives zombies to kill. Why couldn't you persuade them to, say, join your crew? Or sit down with a nice deck of cards and a fine bottle of rum? What about being undead makes someone completely unreasonable?

On the other hand [a bit of blood spatters the page here] I wonder if the universe is trying to send me a message. What do you think? Is there anyone else unfortunately deceased where they come from? Do you think this describes the inevitable? Or is it a random happenstance of a crazy world?

I am starting to wonder.

It's better than ending up alone, Aye?

[a pause of a few minutes]

But in the end we are all alone.

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Well, in the movies, zombies generally don't HAVE reason. They're just walking balls of instinct. They're reduced to the most basic needs an organism has. Feeding.

Or maybe the aggression area of the brain is just stuck on auto-pilot.

Feeding, eh? I would argue that an organism's most basic need is survival. But if you're already dead? What is to survive? Would a zombie cease to live if they didn't eat? In my experience, that's not the case. But eating answers another need, too, aye? The need to be fed. To feel full. The dead are always empty...

But maybe they should be.

depends on the universe
some say its because they need to eat people to survive
sounds like bullshit to me
how you gonna eat without a working digestive system?
others think it makes them feel more human
cause nothing's more human than cannibalism right
i think they're just lonely
ever noticed how they always travel in groups?
i don't think they care about cards or rum
but if you did the hannibal lecter thing and served up some brains that might work

I'm not interested in serving brains. Where would I get them? But loneliness is a theory I can buy. People will do terrible things to not be alone. Desperate things, too. Maybe they don't know how to fix it. Maybe it's unfixable. Once you're gone, you're gone, eh?

And living past that...?

Probably not recommended.

i didn't mean that literally
but i could see loneliness turning into something warped
people talk about squeezing the life out of someone or eating them up
and it's usually just metaphorical but
what if it became literal?
due to some warped sense of desperation
like they want to touch people so bad they tear your skin off and start chewing on your flesh
i wonder if that's why cannibals do it

Not what I've heard about cannibals. It's more of a ritualistic thing, eh? Eating the heart of their enemies gives them their enemy's strength. So I've heard.

[not that he's an expert but you'd be amazed what you can pick up]

I can buy that, though. Not knowing how to get enough. Not knowing when to stop. [clicks his tongue] It's a hard unlife.

you're talking about indigenous people though
i'm talking about modern day people
civilized people who have no rituals but they're cannibals anyway
like hannibal lecter
why do they do it?
i mean he did it because he's a homicidal psychopath but
are they all like that?

Don't know who that is, mate. But I've found that everyone whose crazy is crazy in their own way. So maybe it's true for him and other things are true for others. My brother wants us to eat him when he dies which is disgusting and I'd kick his ass for suggesting it if I didn't think I'd break my foot. Also he'd probably taste foul.

that's one shitty way to leave a legacy behind
literally
since shit is what he'd be after people digested his body
maybe if you point that out he'll change his mind
but even if he doesn't you don't have to do it
what's he gonna do if you don't?
haunt you from the afterlife?

[he doesn't want to think about it thanks]

I don't think I have the stomach to point it out. Anyway we all have to go to the afterlife sometime, don't we? If I ever run into him there, he might just be pissed and then what will I do?

so you're gonna do it then?
because you're afraid of being beaten up by his ghost
i mean
i guess that makes sense if you live in a world that has an afterlife
mine doesn't.

I probably won't have to. Unless he dies here in which case screw that because he's coming back. He can eat his own damn self. But if I had to do it it'd be more an honor thing I suppose and not wanting to see his disappointed fist when it comes down to it.

How are you sure there isn't an afterlife, though? From my experience--I haven't seen proof for or against.

man i can't get behind cooking up people
how does that work even?
would you like
skin him and slice him into cuts
kinda like they do to cows
here's the rump
sirloin
rib
flank
which part would you eat?
no there's no afterlife where i'm from
i know because i already died
like alot

[it takes him a long time to reply to this]

I'd rather we changed the topic on the first, mate.

And how did you manage to come back after death? Is it like iti s here?

i have time powers
so it's like
if i die i just go back in time until i'm alive again
and don't do the thing that killed me
that works pretty well

[ignoring, for now, the bit about being dead...]

Death makes a lotta people unreasonable. Else we wouldn't have to deal with ghosts comin' back to make people sick and get revenge for their crappy lives.

Is it revenge, do you think? [he rubs his chin thoughtfully and then chuckles] You know I can almost get behind that.

But you know, if it were true, people really would be unstoppable, eh? Wars would go on forever.

That's why you gotta appease 'em. Bury 'em right the first time and send 'em off with what makes 'em happy, and they won't come back as ghosts.

It don't work on these zombies, though. [he did try. But they're not his ancestors anyway so screw 'em]

Maybe what makes them happy is living? In which case... [a philosophical shrug as he takes a moment to disembowel another one and kick it over the side with a shoe planted in its gut]

Theoretically, if you were a zombie, what would you do?

Can't give 'em that, no. That's up to the gods, whichever ones you got.

Me? Huh. Depends on who killed me, I guess. There's more'n a few I'd come back to haunt.

The Gods or Davy Jones apparently.

[and he was grateful for that at first, but now...]

I'd like to haunt myself. But weirdly, I don't think I'd go out for revenge. What kind of undeath is that? It's just like life, eh? And eventually whoever you haunt is going to be right there with you and that is going to be awkward if neither of you can die.

[he sounds amused at the thought. And then adds somewhat softer]

I think I'd rather be with nakama. Drinking.... Adventuring... Why spend so much time with someone you hate?

Who says I'm gonna spend time with 'em? The Underworld is a big place, yanno. But...from all I hear, bein' a ghost ain't any fun either. Most of 'em just want somebody to do one last little thing for 'em so they can bugger off to heaven, they don't wanna stick around. I wouldn't, either. Probably.

True enough. Still it's not as if we get a choice in the matter. Unless we somehow end up in a place like this. I wonder if it's really worth it in the end. To be alive but to never get to go home.

[he picks up a zombie by the throat and runs it through]

Too bad you can't tell me, mate.

[though he's not really talking to Gan Ning]

Nope. [answers anyway...sort of] Death and after-life are things much bigger than Gan Xingba. I'll leave that to the priests and scholars.

Probably for the best. [only he's a lot closer to it than most.

He tosses the still wriggling body over the side with disgust]

Stay strong, eh? And don't let these zombies get to you.

Yeah, you too.

[if only they knew how hard that would be...]

Yer a ray a shitty sunshi-

IS THAT FREAKIN' BLOOD ON THE DAMN JOURNAL??? OI!

[Namur doesn't wait for an answer, but tracks Thatch down and bursts into whatever dark corner he's trying to hide in and cuffs the back of his head.]

What the hell're y' doin'?

[turns with a bright smile as the body falls to the floor]

Killing zombies. [the blood that covers the front of his shirt looks fresh and might in fact look as if it's coming from him but it's really not. He swears. He's not thinking anything weird at all]

Can you join the fun without trying to eat me?

[there's still a few left intact after all]

[Namur can smell if it's Thatch's or not. :T]

Can't promise shit but I'd only ever bite y' outta love.

[Or possibly mistaken proximity. But ehhhhhhh details.]

[he knows that. But he's also figuring it might be a good way to slip out]

You take the rest... [pained twitch] then.

I'm going to make sure the perimeter is secured.

[and maybe...he doesn't know... figure out a way to go from there. It his his blood as it happens but he's had worse. So don't worry too much]

[Thaaaaaatch T.T]

[Namur reaches for his brother, kicking a zombie back with a scowl.]

Yer gonna find Leanne an' have her sing at y', dumbass. One a them shits bite y' or somethin'?

I couldn't ask the Princess to look at a horrible wound like this? [he's trying to be a noble hero, damnit]

Anyway, it's nothing. I'll be fine. Help me to the Dipper oh Namur of my [grunts to crush a few zombies in a fist of darkness] spleen.

Ain't gotta be lookin' t' sing at y', dumbass.

[Now Thatch gets to be a noble hero in a shitty princess carry. If Thatch'll do the zombie smooshing, Namur'll do the walking.]

How come y' wanna go t' the Dipper? 'S gonna be jus' as full a dipshits that won't stay dead.

[he'd flail and kick his feet, but you know, fairly grievous wound]

Strategy, my fishy friend. [pinches Namur's cheek] You just worry about this ship and let me take care of the rest.

[there were times he was glad that Namur wasn't the best thinker]

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