[If it were anyone else, anyone at all, this might be easier. He thought this would be easier, he was sure it would, because for the last year or so, the Gyoubu he thinks of is a traitor.
A man who betrayed not only him (who sullied his hands with an unforgivable sin) but a mutual ally. His -- friend.
Mitsunari has begun to understand that his own losses are not unique. Now, out of all the billions of people, most could never dream of understanding his pain, because what do they know of loss? They didn't lose Hideyoshi. And he still believes as much. He's placed Hideyoshi on a pedestal too high for any other human being to match.
But there is at least one person out there who has lost many someones who mattered to him a great deal indeed. Those dead men were not Hideyoshi, and could never attain his level of splendor, but that certain someone cared about those men just as much as Mitsunari cared about Hideyoshi. And had Mitsunari -- that world's Mitsunari, but maybe they're the same -- been more vigilant, his friend would not have suffered the pain of betrayal.
Yet Gyoubu the traitor, one of the two who orchestrated this shameful, disgusting crime -- he's Mitsunari's friend too. (He was, he is, he's -- curse this ambiguity. Curse everything.) This damnable hope creeps into his heart and under his skin like some kind of well-intentioned disease, and he hates it. He wants it exorcised out of his very being so he may never again suffer the disappointment intrinsically linked with it. This man here, this is a Gyoubu he may or may not know, and that may not even matter, and it might be change everything, and he doesn't know.
(Even if this Gyoubu were different, would he still need to bear the guilt of what another him did, as Mitsunari felt responsible for what happened in Motochika's life? He'd ended up figuring if Shikoku's destruction took place in both of their worlds, it probably happened the same way both times... but what if it didn't? Maybe this sense of responsibility he's felt for so long was misplaced. Maybe they'd both be absolved. Maybe not. Maybe there is no clear answer.)
In his mind, he shamefully asks for Lord Hanbei to grant him an ounce of his wisdom so that he may handle this as is right, and that Lord Hideyoshi impart to him just a fraction of his strength, which he has no right to ask for, and he knows it, and he prays he will be absolved for being weak enough to need it.
He forces his focus to remain on at the immediate situation. He knows that Gyoubu didn't swear honesty as he was clearly told to do. He knows Gyoubu would have no need to do so if he could be trusted, and would naturally be confused. Should he press for his vow of honesty, or answer his question first? ...The question, he decides.]
[voice]
A man who betrayed not only him (who sullied his hands with an unforgivable sin) but a mutual ally. His -- friend.
Mitsunari has begun to understand that his own losses are not unique. Now, out of all the billions of people, most could never dream of understanding his pain, because what do they know of loss? They didn't lose Hideyoshi. And he still believes as much. He's placed Hideyoshi on a pedestal too high for any other human being to match.
But there is at least one person out there who has lost many someones who mattered to him a great deal indeed. Those dead men were not Hideyoshi, and could never attain his level of splendor, but that certain someone cared about those men just as much as Mitsunari cared about Hideyoshi. And had Mitsunari -- that world's Mitsunari, but maybe they're the same -- been more vigilant, his friend would not have suffered the pain of betrayal.
Yet Gyoubu the traitor, one of the two who orchestrated this shameful, disgusting crime -- he's Mitsunari's friend too. (He was, he is, he's -- curse this ambiguity. Curse everything.) This damnable hope creeps into his heart and under his skin like some kind of well-intentioned disease, and he hates it. He wants it exorcised out of his very being so he may never again suffer the disappointment intrinsically linked with it. This man here, this is a Gyoubu he may or may not know, and that may not even matter, and it might be change everything, and he doesn't know.
(Even if this Gyoubu were different, would he still need to bear the guilt of what another him did, as Mitsunari felt responsible for what happened in Motochika's life? He'd ended up figuring if Shikoku's destruction took place in both of their worlds, it probably happened the same way both times... but what if it didn't? Maybe this sense of responsibility he's felt for so long was misplaced. Maybe they'd both be absolved. Maybe not. Maybe there is no clear answer.)
In his mind, he shamefully asks for Lord Hanbei to grant him an ounce of his wisdom so that he may handle this as is right, and that Lord Hideyoshi impart to him just a fraction of his strength, which he has no right to ask for, and he knows it, and he prays he will be absolved for being weak enough to need it.
He forces his focus to remain on at the immediate situation. He knows that Gyoubu didn't swear honesty as he was clearly told to do. He knows Gyoubu would have no need to do so if he could be trusted, and would naturally be confused. Should he press for his vow of honesty, or answer his question first? ...The question, he decides.]
The destruction in Shikoku.
[He says it through his teeth.]
Going behind my back... betraying Motochika...