piratejournal | As Captain // Voice

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As Captain // Voice

Since you lot of scalliwags were actually crazy enough to elect me as captain, the first order of business is a drinking and coloring contest. No, I'm not joking. All pictures will be judged by the wide audience network on the journals. They must be colorful, because everything is better with sparkles.

Second order is Thatch is in charge of booty patrol. No, not treasure. Booty.

Third is Sunshine gets to do whatever she wants. Promotion to Princess of Universe, yoi.

Fourth is whoever makes Ikki smile first -- genuine smile, not pushing his cheeks back which I don't recommend or he might bite you, gets a fifty dub reward.

Speaking of which, we are actually going to do something to make money now, now just sit around spending it all the damn time. I swear Ace and Pops go through gold like it's sake. You can all suggest anything you'd like, or blatantly refuse to do, but if the ideas aren't fun, I'll just take the booty patrol out and have them work it. [What the fuck does that mean? No. No. Don't ask.]

And lastly now that I have the journal's attention, [And to much surprise and irony, Marco's tone finally shifts out of his eternal damnable deadpan to something almost smooth and amused. This can't be good.] I'd like to speak with a certain gorgeous redhead and anyone else interested in pirate alliances between crews, eh?

[Oh and if you thought he was done? No. He submits the first coloring entry.... because of course he does.]

[Well you must admit it is.... colorful.]

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Well...technically yes, since all pirates of all kinds should probably have one! But... it's your ship so your rules!

[A laugh.]

Then a hat you shall have.

You'll have to help me pick it out though, I never was big on hats myself so I wouldn't know what kind you want. We can take Haruta too.

Awesome! I can't wait to pick out a pirate hat! I have no idea what kind I want either - so we'll just have to see what's there!

...

Are you happy to be captain, Marco?

[A pause.]

[That's an interesting question. And now his estimation of putting her as second mate is definitely reaffirmed.]

I don't know yet.

[To be honest.]

Even in our world, being captain wasn't something I wanted. It was our fail-safe. If Pops died without a better successor.

Ace... wasn't ready to be captain in our world. As much as I hate to say it. He was a captain before he met Pops, but there's a difference between the captain of a rookie crew, a commander of a hundred men, and the captain of sixteen hundred plus several thousands allies, eh? But while we were still training him, I thought we'd have enough time that we could get by with advising him, eh?

But he didn't really have a chance to grow up enough, if that makes sense.

[He laughs softly and shakes his head.] I love him, eh? He always said I'm not selfish enough to be a captain. And I've always said he wasn't selfish enough to be a pirate, but I think both are true now.

I don't have the ambition Ace or his brother, or Pops do.

I'm not even as ambitious as Rayleigh.

In our world, you can channel ambition into a full force, and well, you've seen what Ace can do with his. I have as much willpower as him, I think, even more than our Pops sometimes, although he's the last person I'd ever want to get into a contest with over it -- but ambition?

It's complicated, yoi. Even if it didn't mean Pops and Ace weren't gone, I wouldn't have wanted to be captain. In our world, I can't do what I want.

I can't protect Pops' islands like I could when he was captain. If I build my reputation up as much as his, it's actually even more a danger! It's like a giant board game maze, and 99% of the routes lead to either disaster or death, but I have no choice but to play and protect my brothers as best I can.

It's not so dangerous here though, so I'm glad of that.

But it's no less complicated, eh?

Before Pops died, he must have told me a thousand times, maybe even more, that all he wanted for us was to live freely. To be happy. To live. And survive.

So that's why I won't risk the crew in our world -- or here, for anything. As a general I can do that. I can calculate the risks as easily as breathing, eh? But if it comes to choosing the family over territory? Of course I'll always choose the family. And even if they want to risk their lives, my priority is always going to be getting them out alive. That's why Pops made me his right hand. Because he knew how I am.

But he wants that for me too, even if it's not what I'd choose for myself. He made sure that his last order to me was for that, eh? To live. To always be free rather than tie myself to vengeance or anything else. Because he knew... if he didn't do that, I would have. It's weird, right? If I had the choice, I'd choose death by vengeance. So that's why the only last order he gave me was not to. Mah, it just seems ironic to have to be ordered to be free. [A soft bitter laugh.]

[Sometimes he really hates that last order he received.]

It's easier here though. Forget the islands, forget the revenge, because neither of them are here, and I guess I can finally see what I'd do if I really could.

Before Pops and the crew got really big, I used to wander around between islands exploring. [A small laugh.] Well, how could I be anything else, eh?

We can't just pack up and explore in our world. There are a few places we can hide, but for the most part, even if we abandoned all the islands, and left fate to fate, Teach and the rest of the world will still be after us. I told Chandra I want to explore, even the stars, and planes. But I don't need to rely on her for that, eh? So long as I've got all of you, we can explore until we know more about this world than anyone else.

So I guess, I wouldn't choose it, but since being a captain chose me, I won't let you all down either. Even if that means enjoying it. Sort of.

Tell me, Selphie. What is your wish with the crew as it is now?

Edited 2014-12-08 08:57 (UTC)

*Selphie listened very carefully to Marco speak, occasionally making small noises of understanding to show that she was listening*

Does...being captain really have to be the same thing as ambition? I mean, sure, you shouldn't just be sitting idle all the time but - chasing crazy adventures isn't what a captain is all about...is it?

*She speaks carefully, aware that really she only has her experience of being a pirate in this world. But still, she knows what being a commander meant back home, the leader of the group*

To be ordered to be free...

*Selphie couldn't help but repeat the line, despite the bitter laugh Marco had given after he said it. It was a strange thing to think about and to really understand, but she wanted to try, for Marco's sake*

But I like the idea of exploring. That's why this world is so fun. I mean, some of the islands are stupid and crazy but - I like learning about all that. Exploring is what I like best too. I'd go with Chandra to the stars and the planes too if I could.

*As for the question directed at herself, Selphie takes a small breath, thinking for a moment or two to figure out how she was going to answer*

The crew... The crew are family, and... the idea of belonging. I've never really felt much of that before. I'd risk my life to protect people here. I mean - it's not so much of a deal here since we can come back to life... But I'd hope that the crew would help me out too. It goes two ways - I want to protect, but also be protected. Maybe that's stupid or something but...that's the truth.

It...really stings...people leaving I mean. Some, they disappeared. Others...they chose to. You know, I was asked to leave the crew, to go join another one...

*Selphie isn't entirely sure of what Marco knows about what happened between her and Aya, but he certainly knows that Aya left, so she might guess who she's talking about*

But I couldn't. There was no way. It was like asking me to ditch my family. I don't have any real family...but that's what it felt like.

*Then there's an awkward laugh, because she's worried that she's talking too much, and sounding silly*

There's protecting the crew too and seeing their dreams come true, but I did that as first mate too, eh.

So no, wanting to be protected too isn't stupid at all. We all protected my father too. The marines could never understand it. What would the strongest man in the world need a bunch of brats like us to help him with? But he did. He needed us to protect him as much as he protected us with his mark, eh?

Aye... When Shanks used to ask me to join his crew it always made me livid. He knew how proud I was to be Pops' trusted son, so he only did it to be obnoxious. As if I would leave my brothers...

Come on, let's have a drink and finish this in person, eh? There's another thing I wish to share, but not over the journal.

Someday I hope you get to meet the rest of the brothers, eh? Vista and Fossa would adore you. They all would.

You know, if this really wasn't what you wanted, I'm sure people would understand. I mean, you didn't choose to be captain - the crew chose you.

Sure - a drink sounds good! Will I come meet you someplace?

*There's a pause, then a smile in her voice*

Aww! That's nice! It'll be aweseome if I get to meet them some time!

On deck is fine, yoi. If you don't mind.

And.... I wouldn't have it any other way, eh? The crew choosing me actually does mean a lot to me. Even though I wouldn't choose it for myself, it's like being ordered to be free, eh? So long as I know people have put their faith in me, I won't let them down, and that means I'll do my best. It's easier to do my best for others than myself, eh.

Hold that thought!

*Selphie will appear pretty soon out on deck, and the moment she sees Marco she'll be running at him for a big hug*

[Laughs softly and returns the hug easily enough, carefully holding the bottle safely.]

You seem in a good mood, Sunshine. [But he's not sure how much is expression of herself, and how much is to try to cheer up everyone else like he's doing.]

*Selphie steps back from the hug, careful not to knock the bottle, and smiles at him*

Oh, I'm just happy for you. And pleased that...even if being captain wasn't something you've always wanted, or something that you even want now...you're still being really good about all this.

Even without all that, I'm always in a good enough mood for hugs!

[Another small laugh and he ruffles her hair.] Then I am delighted to be the recipient, yoi!

[ALTHOUGH he is totes rethinking telling her his issues with Lea and risk ruining the good mood though, which might be for the best.]

A toast to the second mate and captain, eh?

Good! I'd be pretty mad if you weren't delighted.

*She smiles, and sticks out her tongue a little, more than happy to keep the conversation light and happy while she can*

To Captain Marco and Second Mate Selphie!~

Aye, to us.

[Pours them both a drink and hands her a glass.]

I'm also making Ikki my shadow. I intend to fight time and space itself to stay, but if something does happen, Thatch will fall apart, so Ikki will be in charge of taking over until I get back.

Thatch is completely stable so long as I'm around... but we're both like that. Without Thatch I'm not in the best of states either, eh? So in the event something happens to me, either I die, or get kidnapped, or disappear, whichever, you'd become first mate to Ikki. But look after Thatch too, aye?

*Selphie takes her glass happily, and holds it up in a toasting gesture before taking a sip. Her smile fades slightly when he explains his intentions for if he were to disappear, and she gives a serious nod*

I will. I'll look after everyone. I'd do everything I can for Ikki. And Thatch too, of course. Is this what you wanted to talk about?

[He shakes his head no.] More an afterthought really. [He already knew he could count on her for it, or he wouldn't have made her second mate, so telling her the plan was more the formality, and just in case.]

[To explain the rest though takes some more thought on Marco's behalf.]

[Rogue he planned to make third mate, in charge of making sure that Marco, Thatch, Namur, and Haruta didn't become too insular. Too closed off without Ace, in the absence of their father, and paranoia of a repeat of Teach. And because she'd always go her own way, and thus lead by example, which was the same as Selphie with smiles, and enjoying themselves.]

[Family, adoption, the crew, Lea, where to being?]

Adopted family grow closer together with time, eh? I don't know how it is with other families, because this is the only kind I've ever had, and you know I'm not going to change it. Even if I could, I'd refuse.

[Wry grin, and he rubs the back of his head, sipping his drink.] But you've seen from Ikki, it's pretty easy for phoenixes to close off from the world, eh? Thatch was always my bridge back to people, but even in our world, I became really too dependent on him. So I don't want anyone feeling left out for not having known me for decades.

That's why I'm really glad you said this feels like family. Because it should, eh. I can't imagine having the crew any other way, and definitely if I'm going to be captain, it has to be like that.

And I'm glad you stayed, yoi. [Lightly nudges a fist to her chin.] And you should tell Ikki about it too. Don't let him kill Aya, but he needs to know you're never going to leave us to be with Aya, eh. Or leave him for Aya too.

[PUFFS HIS CHEEKS UP. BUT NOW THE HARD PART?!]

Our tattoos were always... part pride, aye, but part safety too, eh?

[He rubs the bridge between his eyes. That's why he wanted to do something to Lea, but he didn't even know what. And that troubled him. And because he loved Roxas too much, he would probably never do anything to Lea because it would hurt Roxas and therefore Marco, more than it would ever hurt Lea. Light but he hated it.]

They protected us. Before Pops died, everyone knew that touching someone with our tattoo meant I'd kill them. Terribly.

[A quiet huff.] Just ask Leanne sometime. Ikki and I found out the hard way she could see our thoughts, and if it's a choice between trusting my baby sister to handle my thoughts, gore and all, or having to purposely hide them from her... it's a tough choice. Even though Nam-chan's a total big-sharky-mouth, I don't hide things from him.

[He rubs the back of his head again. He gets way off track when it's something he doesn't really want to talk about.]

But ah... [He sits down on the deck, and leans back against the railing.] Normally I purposely run off anyone not trustworthy enough to be around my family, eh? That was always my job. Because no one else would be as good at it. Thatch protects me so I can protect everyone else.

To be honest, it kind of terrifies me having Roxas away from the crew. Not that he'd be safer here, eh?

[And yet....]

Lea was the first person I didn't purposely run off, eh? Hell, half of the runts were stubborn enough to stay just to spite me to prove they were strong enough. Like Thatch did.

[A frown.] Roxas still has his tattoo, and thinks of us as family...

[And then his eyes narrow, and flatten. Lea's lack of desire to have anything to do with rescuing Namur, Leanne, and Thatch told him more than he ever wanted to know about it.]

Roxas was upset when I extended an invitation to Lea to join us rescuing Thatch, Namur, and Leanne, but not to Roxas. And I told him he's still one of the crew, eh? So all the crew knew where they belonged, they didn't have to be invited. But Gan Ning and Lea didn't let him come, because of the shoulder injury from the navy base.

Somehow I don't think that was the full of it though.

When Ace joined us, he was the captain of the Spades even before Pops adopted him, eh? But when he did take on Pops' mark, he basically left that life behind for a new better one. When he asked me to join him as a first mate of the Spades here I wanted to kick his ass. Hell, even the other brothers worried the same as I did, that he was slipping into the past. But he said he didn't want me just as a first mate, but because I'm his brother. So that's why I agreed, eh?

I guess I can't pretend the way Lea left doesn't bother me, eh? He's like Thatch is to me. The only person who could pull me from Pops for any reason, from the family for any reason, is Thatch. Not Robin, not Rayleigh, no one else, just Thatch. If Thatch asked me to.... [He shakes his head.] No, that's just it, he wouldn't have to ask.

[He runs a hand through his hair, and shakes it out.] Lea took Roxas because I'm dangerous -- and he's damned right about that. But he's also the first person I've ever had get the tattoo and still leave after that point. Even when Ace was trying to kill Pops, he didn't leave, even though I told him could a dozen times.

Robin's the only other person I've told all this. Ikki already hates Lea enough he doesn't need more reason to kill him, and he's nearly as protective of Thatch and Ace as I am so that would be reason enough.

Mah, the point is...

[He has a point, he thinks, but he can't find it in the thick of all of this.]

Thatch was murdered by someone we called brother. I knew Teach for decades longer than Thatch. He was literally by my side when we protected Fishman Island from slavers. Even before that, during the days of the Pirate King and when Shanks was just a cabin boy.

We're pirates, we don't really have rules. We mock people who think there are rules. A lot. But there are some codes even pirates follow. Never stab a nakama in the back, no mutineer, a captain's word is absolute, but that also means never giving an order you don't mean to back up to the death, that kind of thing. We made the final one: Never touch someone bearing our mark even if you have a death-wish.

Ace was pretty upset when Roxas was missing us. Because if a nakama was taken, well you saw what we'll do to get them back. Take the world apart if necessary. But if they choose to leave then they shouldn't be sad, much less have regrets.

But Roxas was neither taken, nor made a choice.

Like I said, Ace was young yet. But I don't know what to do about it either. Roxas is the closest thing I've ever had to a son. And by that token, I want him to have his free will, as much as Pops wished for me?

But being off the ship doesn't make him any less family, eh. No less than Vista and Izou still being in our world instead of here. Or Ace lost to time and space.

So you'd also be family so long as you wish it, eh? Although I think I might have killed Aya, never mind Ikki. [Huff.]

Mah.... [Drinks more.]

Ikki says I'm just suffering empty nest syndrome. But he's making the same mistake as Ace was, and thinking Roxas made a choice.

It's not a choice. Lea could have said "I'm leaving and you have to stay here," and Roxas still would have gone, because that's how it works. [Another headshake. He gets it all too well. And he rubs the bridge between his eyes.] The first mission away from the crew for several months that Pops sent Thatch on I spent almost the whole time curled by the den den mushi.

It's not a romance thing, it's a familiarity thing. You know, like how you give a dog a blanket with your scent so they won't miss you too much?

Although, now I miss Stefan -- Pops' dog.

[Rubs the back of his head again.] I had a point to this, but Robin says my thinking becomes all circular when there's too much going on. It's dizzying, yoi.

Edited 2014-12-10 02:43 (UTC)

I caught Roxas... when they were leaving. I hadn't found the time to tell him I was Xifer and Marco, so Lea told him, and he was pissed off, and jotted off a message to me... that was the only reason I caught up with them, no one else had any time to say goodbye...

[Rubs the bridge between his eyes.] Lea... tch. I have nothing to say for him. But I told him about Teach.

Teach wanted Thatch's devil fruit. You know the darkness thing. [Leans his head against the railing. It's a lot. Too much. Teach didn't just want power, he wanted Pops' devil fruit too. And killed him for it too. And Thatch was teaching Marco the ins and outs so Marco could rip Teach's innards out.]

It would be really easy for those us from the old days to be really paranoid and extra suspicious of everyone, eh? I mean I was always the most suspicious, I ran off a half-dozen impostors, and dealt with a bunch of others. But even I couldn't spot Teach for what he really was.

But I don't want us to become closed off like that. Pops wouldn't want it either.

And... I'm making Rogue Third Mate so she'll always be there to remind me that it's okay to give new faces a chance, eh?

But now, I'm a little worried I'm overcompensating that too, eh? I guess it's always going to be a tight rope, and ever changing, but I don't want to lose any family members, and especially not because they only just later realize what I'm talking about when I threaten the world, eh?

[And something about solving the Roxas situation. Which he didn't have a solution for yet.]

*As Selphie listened she took occasional sips from her glass, either looking at Marco or, when he seemed to be trying to say something too difficult to articulate, she'd glance out over the sea. She smiled when he said that he intended the crew to stay like family. There seemed to be several people in the crew who didn't know what real, or biological, family was like, so this was important to so many of them.

Using Ikki as an example is a sure fire way of allowing Selphie to really understand what it's like for Marco. But she raises her brows in alarm when he talks about killing Aya, or makes any mention of Aya at all. Selphie bows her head, looking awkwardly at her feet and holding her glass anxiously*

...I'm not leaving for Aya. And I won't... That's – part of reason why I broke up with him...

*When he mentions about Leanne seeing their thoughts, Selphie frowns at once – this wasn't something that she knew, and why should she? But she worries about this, for Ikki's sake, and for Leanne's sake too*

No – wait. Lea didn't take Roxas because you were dangerous. If that's got anything to do with it, well, then we're all dangerous. He took Roxas because he couldn't handle the fact that we all cared about him too, and that we all care about him still. Lea is selfish. That's the end of it. And he's a total idiot.

And you're right. Roxas didn't make a choice – he didn't even have a choice, like you say. Be with Lea forever, or never have him. He was given an ultimatum and he couldn't understand or cope with it. No one should be asked to choose like that, or be given a false choice. The problem with all of that, of Roxas and Lea, is that Roxas is scared of Lea. He's scared of him, but associates love with him too. There's no sense in being with someone when you're so terrified of every move you make, everything you say or do.

*Selphie stops herself short, lowering her eyes and taking a large gulp from her glass. She hadn't really realised it until she'd said it then, but...perhaps that was part of the reason that she and Ikki hadn't worked out before – they were both just scared, of various things*

We can't afford to be suspicious of everyone, not in this world. And there isn't always the time to gain people's trust. Sometimes we just gotta go with our gut feelings, because it's all we have. We never know who is gonna disappear, or when. Which is why it was so...gutting, I guess, when Aya decided to join another crew. Our time here is so random, so why would you remove yourself from the people you care about? But – that's another thing all together. And it doesn't matter now.

And – overcompensating or not, you're doing what feels right to you, and what seems like the right thing to me too. So, just...trust yourself a little more?

Good, tell Ikki that, eh? [About Aya, and not leaving.]

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