[As she watches him lay down and put his hat over his eyes, Elsa finally notices how hard she's breathing. How breathless she is. Not even when she ran away from Arendelle, all the way to North Mountain, was she left so breathless. So tired.
So sad.
It hurts, deep in her chest, it's all hurting again. It hasn't hurt like that in three years, when her parents died, when Anna was alone, crying in front of her door. She hates that feeling, that pain, it tears her heart and soul, and she doesn't know why nor how to make it stop. Luffy may not understand... But the truth is that Elsa herself can't say for sure that she understands either. Her thoughts and feelings keep getting tangled together and she can't just pick one thread and pull it out without everything else following suit. She can't figure things out by herself and she feels she doesn't even know where to start from to try to find help to figure them out.
And suddenly it's there again, the feeling of being alone even when she doesn't want to. The feeling of being swallowed whole by her curse and the world of ice and cold to which she belongs.
She's tired and sad. The wave of anger washes away, reminding her of how stupid it was to get angry about things that simply are. They are mere facts of life: the sun rises in the east, the day evolves into night, number two comes after number one, Anna's a victim and Elsa's the one at fault. In her anger, for a moment, she had thought that it wasn't fair, why had their parents put all the blame on her? She hadn't wanted to hit Anna, she tried to save her, it had been Anna the one who was reckless and came up with the idea in the first place. Like always. Anger had whispered how it wasn't fair that she had to avoid people and be alone because she was dangerous while Anna ran with her bike across the halls, tripping and falling down the stairs without no one saying a word even if she could have killed herself easily with those antics. Now that the anger is fading away she realizes how unreasonable she was being, she's no one to challenge the facts of life.
There's a heavy sigh before she steps forward, closer to Luffy, but not too close. With just a thought a trail of ice spreads from under her feet and raises as an ice wall, she leans back against it and slids down until she's sitting on the sand as well. She's tired. She's sad. She's hurting. She misses Anna and at the same time doesn't, because somehow suddenly Anna is scary, because she means that Elsa can't have what she wants. The Anna that talked about an Arendelle with Elsa as a queen who didn't hide her powers and was loved by her people and together with Anna... There had been a time when Elsa had dreamed of that, but ever since she arrived here, since she joined the Straw Hats, she had stopped wanting that. Or rather, she wanted more than that.
Elsa glances at the snowman, who is all silent and still, noticing curiously how all the small faces look just as sad as she feels. Maybe even more. Luffy's idea to go to sleep may have been anti-climatic, but it sounds like a good one at the moment. Mushies is there, it can keep watch if it's needed. So she does just that, closing her eyes and trying to empty her head of thoughts. Deciding to try to forget it all once they are back up again, because it hurts and it's tiring and she can't see how it's worth it.
Life was easier when she concealed and didn't feel, when she didn't try to let others know what was inside of her.]
[Action]
So sad.
It hurts, deep in her chest, it's all hurting again. It hasn't hurt like that in three years, when her parents died, when Anna was alone, crying in front of her door. She hates that feeling, that pain, it tears her heart and soul, and she doesn't know why nor how to make it stop. Luffy may not understand... But the truth is that Elsa herself can't say for sure that she understands either. Her thoughts and feelings keep getting tangled together and she can't just pick one thread and pull it out without everything else following suit. She can't figure things out by herself and she feels she doesn't even know where to start from to try to find help to figure them out.
And suddenly it's there again, the feeling of being alone even when she doesn't want to. The feeling of being swallowed whole by her curse and the world of ice and cold to which she belongs.
She's tired and sad. The wave of anger washes away, reminding her of how stupid it was to get angry about things that simply are. They are mere facts of life: the sun rises in the east, the day evolves into night, number two comes after number one, Anna's a victim and Elsa's the one at fault. In her anger, for a moment, she had thought that it wasn't fair, why had their parents put all the blame on her? She hadn't wanted to hit Anna, she tried to save her, it had been Anna the one who was reckless and came up with the idea in the first place. Like always. Anger had whispered how it wasn't fair that she had to avoid people and be alone because she was dangerous while Anna ran with her bike across the halls, tripping and falling down the stairs without no one saying a word even if she could have killed herself easily with those antics. Now that the anger is fading away she realizes how unreasonable she was being, she's no one to challenge the facts of life.
There's a heavy sigh before she steps forward, closer to Luffy, but not too close. With just a thought a trail of ice spreads from under her feet and raises as an ice wall, she leans back against it and slids down until she's sitting on the sand as well. She's tired. She's sad. She's hurting. She misses Anna and at the same time doesn't, because somehow suddenly Anna is scary, because she means that Elsa can't have what she wants. The Anna that talked about an Arendelle with Elsa as a queen who didn't hide her powers and was loved by her people and together with Anna... There had been a time when Elsa had dreamed of that, but ever since she arrived here, since she joined the Straw Hats, she had stopped wanting that. Or rather, she wanted more than that.
Elsa glances at the snowman, who is all silent and still, noticing curiously how all the small faces look just as sad as she feels. Maybe even more. Luffy's idea to go to sleep may have been anti-climatic, but it sounds like a good one at the moment. Mushies is there, it can keep watch if it's needed. So she does just that, closing her eyes and trying to empty her head of thoughts. Deciding to try to forget it all once they are back up again, because it hurts and it's tiring and she can't see how it's worth it.
Life was easier when she concealed and didn't feel, when she didn't try to let others know what was inside of her.]