audio;

[dersite_dj]

Know what I miss? Teenager problems. Even in the middle of being party to trying to save the entire fucking universe, it was easier when we couldn't stop talking about dating and relationships. I'll admit I fucking miss shipping grids. Why the fuck should I? That shit is fucking stupid.

I miss it because it's not this and I think I liked that garbage better. Relationship issues, while fucking unbearable in almost all cases, are suddenly bearable in comparison to god-awful pirate issues. [Outside of Dave talking, another young man's voice chimed in.]

Are you going to order a drink or what? And-- Look, you have to toss the dice for us to get going again.

Good listening skills. First, I need you to kiss my knuckles for good luck.

I'm not going to kiss your knuckles, kid.

How the fuck am I supposed to bless this beautiful hand? I know it's striking and bony as hell as much as a mystical eagle god's talon, but it won't cut you. Promise.

Fine. [There's the sound of a brief little smooch.] Now, are you gonna roll and get a drink?

Nah, just rolling. I'm fucking sixteen. Or seventeen. Who knows with all my rampant abuse of this shitty pirate timeline? Least I've got more dunking height.

[The sound of dice being tossed. Dave stops talking--until he apparently rolls sevens.]

Another set of sevens. You're welcome. Now, I gave you chumps yet another good reason to give me your money. [The sound of him dragging chips across a felt table surface.] Oh shit, is that all your money? Did I beat the game?

Kid, look--

I mean, I guess you boys can head home to your wives and kids and tell 'em you don't have diaper money anymore. For me, this shit's disposable income. I'm gonna go out and buy some shit I don't need and leave it lying around my grody-ass pirate ship like it's a themed episode of Hoarders. Shit, I liked that show. Hope it doesn't get cancelled, aside from the planet exploding. I mean, if we fix that ridiculous mess.

You seriously love talking to yourself, don't you?

Yeah, I kind of go on for awhile. So, is there some sort of obscene antique shop around here somewhere? I'm gonna cash these chips out and buy something hella wasteful and impractical.

What, like a quieter suit?

Oh shit, burn.

Comments

[Voice]

[redcinemareel]

If you spend all of the earnings on useless items, I WILL END YOU!

[Voice]

[dersite_dj]

Hey, Cap'n.

What's pachinko? Should I get a pachinko machine?

[Voice] + Private

[redcinemareel]

What's pachinko?

[She sighs and fiddles around with the journal, making the next part PRIVATE.]

We need the money for a new vessel. If you spend it all, I'm feeding you to the sharks. Our crew is dwindling, so we'll need to purchase a smaller ship. The ones around here are a bit pricey even for smaller sizes.

[Voice] + Private

[dersite_dj]

I don't know, but that doesn't stop me from wanting it because it's probably fucking ostentatious and godawful.

Anyway, relax, dude. I can literally never lose. There's absolutely no way I can lose unless I want to and even then, I'll probably not want to lose anymore in a minute and fix it anyway.

We'll get a gigantic, obnoxious gold ship.

audio:

[hostclubshadowking]

Teenager problems.

[It's been awhile since he's even thought about those. Talking about dating. Tamaki's possessiveness over Haruhi. Renge's running commentary on their archetypes.

The daily life as a host.

...Maybe that's what part of his plan is. To get back to that. But that's not the issue here.

Instead, all he can ask, a bit quietly, is:]

Seventeen, too. So am I.

audio:

[dersite_dj]

Well, I dunno if I'm seventeen. I think I mentioned something stupid about time.

Yeah, probably. Anyway, s'up.

[voice]

[yatteyanyo]

Those are your teenage problems? Even with everything else considered, that sounds a bit privileged.

[voice]

[dersite_dj]

Of course it's privileged. Most people where I come from have bullshit problems that pale in comparison to everyone else.

Teenagers, even more so. We're fucking atrocious. Doesn't mean I don't miss it.

Re: [voice]

[yatteyanyo]

Believe it or not, I'm agreeing with you. Petty problems seem rather pleasant in comparison.

[voice]

[dersite_dj]

You sound tired and haggard, like that took the entirety of your being to admit.

voice;

[melodyssong]

Teenager problems also roll into adult problems. [her life in a nutshell at least once a year to be honest.]

voice;

[dersite_dj]

I guess. I don't think I'm much of an adult yet, though.

Still don't think savin' the universe is gonna make me much of one, either.

voice;

[melodyssong]

You'd be surprised at how saving the universe can make you more of an adult though.

voice;

[dersite_dj]

I mean, I guess my only real follow-up question is:

Have you saved the universe? Cause, that sounds like some seriously specific insight.

[Voice]

[grizzly_tea]

That sounds like the Shepherds barracks back home. I can't even count the number of love triangles that seemed to form from idle conversations between battles. I suppose 'teenager' problems can sprout up even in some of the most strange of conditions at times.

[Voice]

[dersite_dj]

Still, that sounds fucking stupid to most people.

Given the sheer amount of times I said to myself, 'Are we seriously going on about this shit?' I should have been to immune to it.

But, nope. Still a dumbass kid.

[Voice]

[grizzly_tea]

[Fucking, shit, dumbass? Oh heavens, is this more of that low-borne commoner slang?]

On the contrary, I think most children are immune to these problems. They usually don't think about these things much as children, or are often too shy for it to ever come up. Perhaps rather than thinking of it as childish problems you should be thinking of it as love problems?

[Voice]

[dersite_dj]

[Yes, slang. Get hip, Maribelle111!!!]

I think you're taking 'kid' a little too literally. I'd still call somebody 'kid' if they were 25 and rockin' hand-pump sneakers.

[hollywood_bro]

sounds like someone's hatin to me.
loud suits are the only way to go
chumps can wear the quiet shit
leave the dopeass swag to us bros.

[dersite_dj]

seriously rockin the felt duds
cash green plush
literally cannot go wrong with it
problem is it doesnt send the right message when you gamble with pirate money
gotta put out for a gold suit i guess

[hollywood_bro]

how would they even make a suit that color?
if you want it to look metallic you'd have to use like
latex or something
or whatever mike meyers was wearing as gold member.
fuck that jumpsuit was hideous
even by our standards
i don't think you can redeem gold colored velvet
not even in an ironic sense.

[dersite_dj]

the alternatives are likely worse
i mean what else is there
a pirate themed suit
ive got roughly a dozen suits i could fall back on
each progressively worse

[Voice]

[bigbadrose]

[Rose can't help but laugh.] You really made that guy kiss your hand? Classy.

Hah... Teenager problems.

Well, I broke up with my ex by leaving him in alternate universe, after I probably should have called it off for the fifth time or something, and now I'm on a ship with a guy who is way too fascinated with his hair to be normal for a pirate, but he swears he's been at this piracy thing for ages.

Lies, I say.

Things like that, yeah?

Personally I just want a good set of fish and chips instead of fish and ships, you know? It's like no one around here has even heard of how to make proper chips. It's terrible.

[Voice]

[dersite_dj]

[At that, Dave had to smirk. Rose sounded pretty badass.]

Fish and chips. OK, so obviously you're from what, the UK? Is that what you call it? Don't blame me for blind ignorance--I come from a shit-hole named Texas.

[Voice]

[bigbadrose]

Yeah, Londoner through and through.

Texas, huh? [And here Rose makes her voice deeper and tries to affect a Texas twang. Think John Wayne. It's terrible.] So you must miss having a good place to get a burger?