piratejournal | [written]

[Still no rest from the chill, it seems. Itachi has taken to crossing his arms over his chest to keep them from shaking. Even moving about the ship to keep his blood pumping strongly doesn't seem to do anything.

Seeing Sasuke's entry, he automatically seeks him out. When he finds him, he leans lightly against the nearest wall and just watches him for a while.]

[He's clenching and unclenching the hand he's been writing with to try and get some feeling back into it, speaking to the journal in the meantime, when he notices the presence of another person and glances up -- only to be abruptly deeply embarrassed about the ridiculousness of talking to a book.

He snaps it shut, scrambling a little awkwardly out of the nest he's constructed in the corner of his bedroom with the sleeping hammock and most of the blankets he's been able to find.]

Were you looking for me?

[He nods in response, moving away from the wall a little. The less he has to speak, the better.

His eyes stray to the book, then back to his brother. Everyone uses them, so he doesn't see anything to be embarrassed about.]

Sorry to interrupt.

[Itachi's gaze on the book prompts some weird childish instinct to turn and stash it into the rest of his meagre belongings, as if the damn journal is a toy he's not meant to be playing with.

Sasuke forces himself to focus on keeping his hands still instead of trembling with the cold, turning back to Itachi with as neutral an expression as he can manage.]

What did you want me for? Is there something you need?

[Itachi moves closer, awkward all of a sudden.

He uncrosses his arms, and his hands are clearly shaking. He holds them out, as though uncertain about the next step. Hugging, Draco had said. There's only one person Itachi is willing to hug readily, and he's looking at him now.

... But he should probably say as much before he startles the teen.]

I would like to hug you.

[The sudden lack of grace doesn't go unnoticed, Sasuke too accustomed to purposeful deliberation in everything Itachi does, and it's already setting off a certain amount of cognitive dissonance before he notices Itachi's obvious shivering. Of course, smaller and not yet accustomed to climates outside of Konohagakure's, Itachi must be suffering more from the cold than Sasuke is --

But the words still throw him. Even though Sasuke knows that the standing rumour is that physical contact is supposed to lessen the cold, his mind draws a total blank.

He blinks a few long times.]

What?

I would like t-to hug you.

[He grins his teeth to keep them from clacking. He's been trying to speak as little as possible.

The younger ninja takes another step closer.]

Please.

[It takes another moment before the knowledge filters in again about the cold, and the cure. He should have thought about it and remembered, Sasuke chastises himself; some protection he provides if he's not even seeing to basic needs.

Still. He takes a the few steps there are left between them and then he's at a loss again. Not knowing the next movement of others is unusual enough; not knowing his own is -- awkwardly, he reaches out and takes the outstretched hands, first, folding them into his own.

There was a time he had nearly no compunctions about leaping onto his brother for hugs. Now he's thoroughly ungraceful in a way no shinobi should be, even though -- yes, there's warmth from the touch of hands already.]

... so it's true. About the cold.

So I'd heard.

[Itachi won't pull his brother into his arms unless he wants it. The awkwardness is justified.

Even the warmth just on his hands is relieving. He's already beginning to be able to feel his fingers again, and he gives Sasuke's hands a light squeeze in appreciation.

It's an odd curse to have bestowed on them, almost as if someone was trying to get all the crews to get cozy together. It makes him feel as if they're being watched.]

[It's as bizarre as it is a relief to feel the tips of his fingers again, and it seems it's working for Itachi as well -- the light squeeze is indication enough. The request for a hug makes sense, but how long would contact need to be maintained for it to work? Sasuke hasn't seen enough detail to be able to hazard a guess.

For now he shifts his grip so that they're holding each other's wrists, more surface area without -- hugging.]

I know of no power that could do this. [The irritation is as genuine as the urge to distract from the awkwardness of the forced contact.] It's as if our bodies don't belong to us.

Perhaps they are borrowed vessels...

[It's said almost idly, his focus turned more to the contact with his brother than anything else. Some part of him finds Sasuke's hesitation cute, but the reasons for it are far from that.]

Our movements are our own, at least. Whatever brought us here maintains some sort of control over us otherwise.

[The shaking has subsided, this little bit of warmth helping him to regain his ability to keep it in check.]

[Itachi says it idly, but Sasuke's grip tenses immediately when the suggestion is voiced -- he nearly lets go to reach for the back of his own neck, check for a buried kunai with its tag sunk into skin. But he's not dead and Kabuto is, and there is simply no way Orochimaru has an illusion this complex within his powers. And Itachi is ... he's never heard of Edo Tensei being able to bring back a person from another time.

No jutsu at all should be able to do that. He shakes off the thought: the only real threat is the possibility that this is the true demented plan of the Moon's Eye. Or is it that this is real, with no apparent path to return?]

If they're bringing people with powers unknown to this world, it wouldn't make sense to control our bodies that much. They wouldn't be able to see and assess our abilities.

That's assuming that our powers are actually unknown to the ones who've brought us. Just because the citizens of this place know very little, it doesn't mean that the same goes for others.

[This isn't the sort of conversation he'd wanted to have, but he'll address the issue all the same. It's important, and it's clearly weighing heavily on Sasuke's mind right now.

Whatever power brought them here is beyond them, that much is clear. How much beyond them it is, less so.]

But this... this feels more like we're being toyed with. For all we know, it could be a natural curse of this world that we're unaware of, but that doesn't seem as likely.

[It's a sobering thought, but for all that the man they'd questioned had clearly known nothing about their abilities, he'd been a low-level grunt after all, officer or not. And even if the military knows nothing, there's still the matter of the entity that supposedly brought them all here in the first place.]

I've never heard of a place with natural curses. [But, voice dry, he adds:] What I've heard of doesn't count for much, here.

[But if they're not being toyed with -- which he can't understand the purpose of -- then ...] What if this is meant to be some sort of test? We're supposed to gather the pieces of this gem -- perhaps we're being tested to see if we're strong enough?

If we weren't already considered strong enough, then we should not have been brought in the first place. Though if this is a trial that will be set before us in order to retrieve the gem, then I could see how this might be necessary.

At the same time, we could be suffering for no reason at all when the solution has been set before us.

[He glance falls back down to their arms, his fingers clasped around his brother's, and his expression becomes one of mild displeasure. His grip loosens.]

If you would rather not do this, I understand. I will abstain from physical contact also.

Even if there is a solution and this isn't caused by someone, this kind of cold isn't natural -- no physical effects, but everyone feels like they're freezing? It --

[But he sees the twist in Itachi's face and feels the way his grip loosens, and the words make his hands flinch with the truth of it: he doesn't want to, but he's not a child who won't be made to clean his room when he'd rather tail his brother out to the training fields. Itachi's right; there is a solution, but --]

No -- [But the denial bursts out, inelegant. And honest, in its unplanned intensity.]

I don't want you to suffer needlessly. [He'd said he'd carry them forward, and for all that this is a little thing in the grand scheme of things, it's still part of the whole.] I just ...

I'm not used to touching people outside of a fight. [It's a weird thing to admit, but it's true.] I'll hug you. If you want.

[Itachi isn't much for touching either, but unlike Sasuke he'd had the opportunity to up until very recently. Sasuke had a family that loved him, a mother that would have hugged him whenever he wished for it, and his older brother had taken that away from him. This thought causes Itachi's heart to ache, and he closes his eyes.]

I'm sorry.

[It's unbidden, and the last thing Sasuke is looking for right now, but there it is all the same.]

I shouldn't have asked this of you. I thought... perhaps it would help you also.

[It's a long moment before Sasuke works out the connection between his own words and the apology -- he's become so accustomed to it, guarding against nearness and touch, a certain awareness of the threat inherent in closeness that borders on paranoia. He's lived alone and wanted by his own choice for long enough that the memory of being held has long faded out of clarity.

He wouldn't relive it for most. But this is his brother, and Itachi is apologizing for it, which makes these past weeks and the various faces of Itachi that he's seen, his own world to this one, the most he's ever heard I'm sorry from his brother.

He lets go of Itachi's hands and reaches out, gingerly pulling him closer. In its own weird way it helps that he's taller, here; it's somehow easier to be aware that this is physically, viscerally different from the reality he knows.]

No, you're right. It's impractical not to use a solution when there is one.

[When Sasuke pulls him close, Itachi goes along with it easily, wrapping his arms around the waist of the other. Immediately a comfortable warmth begins to seep through his clothing to engulf his entire body.

Such a cruel curse this is.

His hands clench the back of his brother's shirt and he rests his head against his shoulder. He can only assume that the same feeling is being shared with Sasuke as well. If it isn't, he doesn't know what else they'd need to do.]

...Thank you.

It's nothing.

[Though it is, a voluntary closeness to another person he knows is dangerous. This isn't like shoving Karin off if she clutches too long; there's no combat in it. And more than that -- for all that this is different, he can tell this is his brother.

Itachi still smells like home. It's maybe the weirdest memory of all, but there it is: possibly the detergent Mikoto used, maybe, still lingering under the salt-smell everything takes on at sea. His hands stay tense, uncertain, but his voice is nearly wistful under its habitual terseness.]

I used to bother you all the time with childish things like this.

I didn't mind it. Not really.

[Itachi's words are quiet, barely above a whisper. This isn't what he'd been aiming for when he sought his brother out, but he should have seen it coming. How could he pull him into an embrace without being overcome by memories and regret?]

I spent so much time doing what I thought I needed to do in order to keep you safe that I didn't spend enough of it with you.

[And that was just as important, wasn't it? If not more so.]

[He doesn't expect the sudden pang at those words, a surprised wrench of something he is grateful to be able to hide over Itachi's shoulder. It's something seven years old and eternally looking up and ahead for Itachi's shadow, a perfect faith both in the strength of his brother and the question of his own ability to ever be equal enough to be worth the attention he demanded.]

I was just your kid brother. There were bigger things to catch your attention.

[He'd been the child Itachi had treated him as -- but that had been the expectation to meet, and it's Sasuke now, seventeen and educated early in bloodshed, late in truth, who adds:]

I could have shared your burden, brother.

Maybe... Maybe you could have.

[And there are those tears, welling up again where they shouldn't. When he should be beyond that. But the wounds are just too fresh still.]

Maybe that's where I went wrong.

[No hitch to his breath. No sobs to wrack him. He's a ninja, above all, and he isn't allowed to break down again. Not over this, and not here.

There are just too many feelings between them, and an Uchiha always learns to shove those away.]

[He forgets, sometimes -- often -- that the massacre is fresh for Itachi, a new memory instead of something aged over with Mangekyou nightmares and time. It's probably not fair to say these things to Itachi now, maybe not fair ever given every mistake Sasuke has run into full-tilt, but ... I'm your little brother, Sasuke had said, watching Itachi sacrifice himself for the village that denied him yet again.

Whatever he'd been meant to do, whatever his brother had hoped, he hadn't done it.]

... you weren't the only one responsible. [It's a small comfort, maybe. Tentatively, he flattens a hand out over Itachi's back until the hold is something closer to an actual hug.]

We were part of a long pattern of secrets and hatred. The village misled you. Our clan was too arrogant.

[His voice is almost wistful:] We fought side by side in the end, though.

[Itachi doesn't know all the details surrounding his death, only what he's been told, so this confuses him a little. He lifts his head just slightly, eyes obviously wet but expression baffled.]

... I thought you said that you'd killed me?

[What part of that had involved them working together? Sure, Sasuke had mentioned some other events that followed, but one didn't go much beyond death.

At least not in most cases.]

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