piratejournal | [Accidental voice/audio on (approximately?) the 16th]

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[Accidental voice/audio on (approximately?) the 16th]

[For the first few moments there's just background noise; waves and seagull calls and other regular beach sounds]

[Then, there's a pissed off scream followed by a rather destructive-sounding crash. The yell and crash would probably be very loud if they were near the journal, but the sound is subdued as if the journal is a decent distance away from whatever is happening. Following the crash is a stream of emotionally charged swearing. Anyone listening might have a hard time believing this is Thash since he normally doesn't swear, but he sounds very, VERY angry about something. The voice is accompanied by several more crashes, sounding almost like trees being felled]

[Finally after a few more paticularly harsh curses and an anguished scream, everything gets quiet. Then there's the sound of footfalls in sand growing louder as if approaching the journal, and the slap of the journal being slammed shut]

((To the Bloody Roses: You won't be seeing Thash around for a while. He won't hang around on the ship or anywhere in public on the island for very long. He won't come find Kat or Karai to train and he won't try to hang around and chat with Dave or Gene or anyone else. When we leave Deesuko Balia he'll come along, but will only board the ship to sleep or put fish in the galley))

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*After spending several days hiding in her room to recuperate, Faye had finally run out of painkillers. She didn't want to be out in public really. While she had healed well, there were still two small marks on her neck, and while the scratch on her cheek was gone, her lips were still bright with a thick cut that was trying to heal. Still, for the first time in days, Faye dared herself to leave her room, and the ship.

So she could be seen in the town, not quite as confident as she usually was. When people saw the cut on her lip they couldn't be sure how it got there, but Faye did her best to ignore any strange looks. What she was looking for was some painkillers, so she moved between the little stores, searching for a pharmacy*

[Her search would eventually lead her to a small section of town that people said had medical buildings, supplies, and stores. It included pharmacies (if they could even be called that in such a technology-lacking place), a healing herb market, a couple of small clinics specializing in specific health problems, and one large generalized treatment building- the same one she'd woken up in the morning after the incident. In the middle of all these establishments was a nice tiled square]

[It was near that large building that she might spot Thash if she was keeping her head up. Either he must have had some business there, or some business elsewhere in town that caused him to have to walk through this area, but there he was walking away from it. He was mostly keeping his eyes on the ground and his hands in his pockets as he walked, but as if sensing her presence he looked up for a moment and his eyes found her across the square.]

[After his eyes widening a fraction he quickly turned his gaze back downward as if he coudln't bear to look at her. He started to hurry along his way, away from her]

*She'd just been coming from one of the smaller buildings and was carrying a paper bag full of various medical supplies. At that moment, Faye was going through the bag, not paying attention to what was around her, but needing very much to take some kind of drug. But when she looked back up again she saw Thash just a small distance ahead. Very briefly she caught his eyes, and even seeing them back to normal startled her. Enough so that she dropped her bag, various items spelling over the square. For a moment, though, she didn't start to pick anything up, she just stood there shaking, watching him walk away from her*

[When he heard the sound of her dropping her bag and stuff spilling onto the tiles of the square he stopped, glancing back. He instinctively wanted to turn back around and go help her pick the stuff up, but at the same time a part of him was strongly preventing him from voluntarily going anywhere near her. Just knowing that she'd seen him made him want to run away. His eyes might be back to normal, but they filled with pain and regret any time they looked towards her and he couldn't seem to focus on her for more than a brief instant]

[After a few moments of him hesitating and wanting to help her but not, a passing stranger stopped and asked if she wanted some help picking up her stuff then proceeded to bend down and gather it up. When he saw she was being helped, Thash turned and started walking again]

*Faye hadn't even noticed the stranger at first because she was watching Thash, wondering what he might do next. But all he did was turn and walk away. He's seen her, she was almost certain, but there he was getting away as quickly as possible. She bent down to help put her things back into the paper bag until all that was left was a little jar of salve to help heal her scratches.

Suddenly, Faye felt herself full of a horrible shaking anger. At Thash, because he'd just walked away, at what he'd done to her before, at how he'd ignored her since, at how he was walking around down acting as though nothing had happened, as though he didn't even know who she was. As soon as Faye had quietly thanked the stranger, she made a few quick steps in Thash's direction and hurled the glass jar at him so that it would land, and probably smash, just a short distance behind him*

[he might've been walking around town but his demeanor was certainly different than normal. He'd been walking with a sort of slouch, his head lowered and his tail barely raised enough to keep it from dragging along the ground]

[Thash froze when the jar shattered near him, looking at it then briefly back at Faye. He couldnt keep his eyes on her though, and they quickly returned to the ground. Then, he simply didn't move. He didn't know what to do. He was incapable of even thinking any calm rational thought at the moment, but so much emotion was welling up inside him he could barely keep it together. His shoulders quivered slightly as he stood there with his back to her, his face bowed downward and his tail laying flat. His back barely moved with the tiny tense breaths he was taking]

[he didn't know what she wanted but he wasn't going to anger her further by running from it. If she wanted to talk to him, throw more stuff at him or even shoot at him he wasn't going to stop her. Part of him almost hoped she would shoot him while he was standing there]

Hey, you OK there?

*Faye noticed all of this differences in Thash, her own feelings conflicting between the sadness of how deeply upset he seemed, and wanting badly to help him, while also wanting to have nothing more to do with him. She couldn't decide what she wanted to do, so just stood there staring after him, almost willing him to look at her and see how miserable she looked too.

Meantime, though, a couple of passersby had seen her throwing something and started yelling at her, demanding her to clean the mess, to get out of the way. The quickest way to go happened to be in Thash's dorection. So, still clasping the bag of medical supplies, Faye ran straight in his direction, passing him by closely as she continued to run out od the town*

[Thash did glance over his shoulder at her as the people started yelling her, catching a glimpse of her expression before she moved. The sorrow he saw there cut him with guilt, but it was a good thing he had no time to dwell on it before she hurried past him. He watched her for a second, then looked down at the thing she'd thrown, that people were complaining about. He crouched down to pick up the half broken jar, then swept the broken glass off the square tiles with his tail]

[The portion of jar that wasn't shattered still had some product in it... figuring Faye might want it, he sighed and started following her. He didn't get too close though, staying at a good distance as they reached the edge of town and left the buildings and people behind]

[He didn't get a reply right away, as Thash wasn't feeling very talkative and had been avoiding the journal. But later on, he heard Yasaburo's question and finally answered]

....nope.

*Faye kept going until she reached the edge of town where she started looking for somewhere to sit. At the town grew closer to the shore, Faye spotted a grassy area with some benches and places to sit. She didn't look behind her, just glanced left and right, like she was looking for something.

Finding a small store, Faye went inside and was only gone a minute or two before she reappeared carrying her medical supplies and another bag with the top of a bottle of wine sticking out. She blinked around her again, pausing as she looked for somewhere to go to be alone, not realising that Thash had followed her this way*

[Thash started to realize Faye didn't know he was following her. He didn't want her to get mad when she found out so he started to follow her a little closer so she would't be surprised. He watched her furtively for any reaction when she did notice him... because if she acted like she didn't want him around then he certainly wouldn't linger]

*Faye froze when she realised that Thash was just beside her. She turned ever so slightly toeards him, but struggled to look at him for long. As she began to walk along to a bench, she was expecting that Thash would follow her. Either way, she dropped down onto the bench and put down her bags. Pulling out a new box of cigarettes, Faye did her best to try and light it, bit it was proving difficult as her hands couldn't stop shaking*

[He did follow her, but not too closely. When she sat down, he placed what was left of the jar with the product in it next to her. He then noticed she was having some trouble lighting her cigarette... well, he wasn't much more steady than her right now but without thinking he reached a hand out to steady hers. He'd just hold it until she got her cigarette lit, then quickly let go and stepped back from her]

[There was another bench to the right of the one Faye was sitting on, about ten feet over. Thash moved over to that and sat down, feeling like he was sort of in a daze. He still coudln't bring himself to look fully at her or say anything, so he leaned over and put his hand in his hands. With their current emotional state Faye might not notice any details about him, but if she did she'd notice something a little strange. He was wearing a shirt, which was still unusual for him unless he was going out with the purpose to mingle with people or go somewhere nice or impress her. Furthermore, that shirt (the one with black and dark gray horizontal stripes) seemed sort of dirty. There were dark indistinct stains on it here and there, some of which looked almost damp]

*When his hand touched hers to that she could light her cigarette, Faye made a small choking sound, her eyes glancing to his so quickly that he might not even have noticed. Her body seemed less tense as he moved away, and she closed her eyes to take long, deep drags.

From the corner of her eye Faye could see that Thash had put his head in his hands, allowing her to look at him a little longer. Again, she was conflicted, wanting to be in bed with him and comforting each other, while also almost feeling like she wanted to throw something at him again. She noticed the stains but was unsure about them, thinking perhaps he'd just decided not to wash over the past few days for some reason. Faye smoked her cigarette quickly, then lit up another one, though it still took some effort. There were more tense pauses between them, and when she finally spoke up her voice was tiny and cracked*

W..what - what do - what do you want?

[He'd been over there trying to calm himself down so that he could say something that made sense and got accross what he was feeling. He felt as if a thousand ways to apologize had gone through his mind and none of them seemed even remotely sufficient. Plus, when he heard her voice and how strained it was, all he could think about was the fact that he'd almost killed her. With his own teeth. The emotions he'd tried so hard to subdue came rushing back and his body tensed, his hands nearly digging their claws into the skin under them]

Faye, I... [Nope, he couldn't get anything else out. His throat choked up and his back seemed to heave a bit with his next few tense breaths. He'd been trying really hard not to cry, but felt powerless as tiny drops of moisture started to come from his eyes no matter how much he tried to restrain them. At least it was pretty much hidden from Faye thanks to his bangs and hands, but his breathing might give it away]

...want to say I... sorry. I'm sorry...

[His voice was a harsh whisper; she might not even hear him clearly]

*The effect of hearing him say her name made her choke for a moment on her cigarette, and there were another few moments when she had to try and clear her throat so that she could finish smoking it. Hearing her name, and the way he said it, seemed to crush her, and she felt like she might actually be sick.

She didn't understand when he began to sound as though he was crying. She couldn't see his face, but from the sounds of things he was struggling, her own eyes instantly filling with tears. But Faye had never really figured out to deal with sadness, especially not with a horrible, twisted despair like this. So she found it much easier to deal with her feelings through anger. She sat up on the bench, eyes narrowed at Thash and her voice tight*

Sorry? You're sorry? And is that it?

I nearly died. Because you nearly killed me. The doctor said if I hadn't pushed you away youwould have killed me. Did you know that? That you were just a second away from killing me? And yet you come here and you say that you are SORRY?!

What am I supposed to say? Make everything okay so that we can just let this all blow over and act like it never happened? Ha! No fucking way. Saying sorry will not fix the fact that you nearly killed me. That I almost died.

So you bring me back the jar that I threw at you? So you can injure me and fix up my wounds? Have you looked at me yet? Have you seen the scars of your teeth on my neck? Huh? The deep cut right through my lips?! The bruises on my arms and legs because I got knocked around? Have you seen what you've done to me?!

[He'd just wanted her to know that he hadn't done it on purpose. That he felt terribly sorrowful and regretful about it. There was nothing more to say. He had no excuses because nothing could excuse what he'd done. He didn't want her to forgive him because he didn't deserve it. He was a creature... A degenerate stupid animal without control over his own instincts. Every word she said in her scathing anger only drove that truth deeper.]

[he hadn't been obvious about it, but he had looked at her wounds... Both on the morning after the incident when he'd checked on her and whenever he'd glanced at her today. Just looking at them had filled him with quite a bit of pain himself, but the most terrible anguish he felt was when she'd mentioned that she too knew he'd almost killed her. By the time she was done speaking he wanted very badly to simply die himself and rid her of his presence]

[since laying down and dying wasn't really possible at the moment, he did the next best thing to get himself away from her- he got up and ran. Clearly being around him was causing her more pain and that was the last thing he wanted to do]

*Faye hadn't really known how Thash might have reacted to what she said, but she knew that most of it had flown from her mouth without her thinking about it at all. When he stood, Faye watched and wondered if he'd come over to her, but no he got up and ran. Her cigarette dropped from her mouth as she stood to her feet suddenly, and began to chase after him, snatching up her bags*

Thash!

*Faye screeched out his name, loudly and desperately. But at some point Faye lost her footing, and tumbled to the ground. She had no idea if Thash had even noticed, or anyone elae, but she opted not to try and stand up, instead feeling like she was going to completely fall apart in her tears*

[Thash had expected her to be glad he was leaving, so hearing her yell his name as if to stop him was a surprise. He wasn't sure what she wanted... Perhaps to tell him more how angry she was or how she never wanted to see him again or maybe she just wanted him to hold still so she could get a clear shot at him. Whatever it was she wanted though, he didn't want to deny her anything. He was willing to put himself completely at her mercy right now for whatever she desired, good or bad...he just didn't want to cause her more pain by doing something against her will so he stopped]

[after stopping he heard the noise of something falling to the ground and he looked back towards her, seeing she'd fallen. He almost flinched to see her in such a state, on the ground with a despairing look on her face cave red in scars and wounds and all because of him. Even though he suspected she probably didn't want him near her right now, he hurried back to help her to her feet. Once she was steady though he'd let go of her quickly, not wanting to force her to feel his probably unwanted touch. He also didn't want her to accidentally touch his shirt to steady herself... If she did, and figured out what was staining it, that was a whole different can if worms he didn't want to open. After stepping back to give her some space he stayed where he was, his lowered face mostly hidden behind his bangs]

*Faye had yelled his name knowing that she didn't want him to leave her, but that was all. As for what she wanted to say or do when he came back, she had no idea. Faye felt like an idiot, being helped to her feet with tears running down her cheeks. She had never cried in front of anyone, and she stepped back to swipe the tears from her eyes. Faye wobbled a little then scooped down to pick up her things again, still trying not to cry, her shoulders shaking*

How can - how can you - why?

*She clutched her bags to herself, frightened and miserable all at once*

Running away - don't you care?

*Then she lowered her eyes again, noticing a patch of something on her forearm where it had brushed against Thash as he helped her up. She held her arm out in front of her, staring in alarm*

[He spoke quietly without looking up at her, his voice still sounded strained by emotion. He didn't even bother trying to wipe his tears away, and they along with his face was mostly obscured by his hair anyway]
I care, Faye.... I care...

[He coudln't really think of any good descriptive words for how much he cared. 'A lot', 'a ton', 'so much'... it all sounded so hollow in his head]

I'm... staying away cuz... after what I did... y-you don't want me... [He tried to say she woudln't want him around. How could she? How could she even stand to be in his presewnce right now? The horrible creature that had hurt her so badly was surely a loathsome sight. But now he thought maybe it was stupid to make assumptions about what she wanted]

please just tell me... what you want. I'll do it.

*When he started to say that he cared, Faye chewed on her lower lip. It hurt, and she winced at the pain, but she continued to bite it nervously anyway. Her tears started anew, trailing down her cheeks, her eyes darkened with smudged makeup. Again, she looked down at stain on her arm from where she had brushed against Thash, not really understanding where it had come from.

She felt as though she would crumple right there and then, feeling dizzy and weak all at once. If she wanted him or didn't want him wasn't something she could really answer right then, but at that final thing he said she burst into uncontrollable tears, her body shaking*

I want - I want you to go back, to that night. To stop it. To - to turn time back to before you -

*But then the tears took over, like she wasn't capable of anything other than crying*

[the stain was dark red. It probably wouldn't take much thought to figure out what it was. As she spoke, Thash watched her from behind the curtain of his bangs, her wounded lip and tears piercing him. He wanted to feel physical pain so badly right now. He actually craved it... If only for a moment, it would distract him from the far worse emotional pain consuming him]

[he wished he could wipe away her tears and comfort her, but how could he when he was the source of her suffering? The thought of turning back time was a wonderful one, but he knew it was impossible. Her miserable crying and his own pathetic lack of a way to make her happy and do what she wanted overpowered him. He slipped to his hands and knees, feeling sick and unstable]

I can't... I wish I could... I'm so sorry...[he cried as well despite his attempts to restrain it. The sound of her voice in tears had been too heart wrenching]

Edited 2014-09-18 18:41 (UTC)

*Faye fell onto her knees in front of him, struggling as she had been to stand when she felt so weak. She stared at Thash's shirt, frowning hard as she realised what was going on. He was bleeding, but how that had happened was something she didn't know. But first, Faye had a more pressing question. All that she knew of that night was that one moment they were kissing, the next he was almost killing her*

Why? Why did you do that?

*She looked at him with wide, wet eyes, desperately wanting the answer that she had been wondering - is that what he wanted all along? Did he want to kill her? Was she nothing but meat to him?*

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[Accidental voice/audio on (approximately?) the 16th]

[Action - a few days later]

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:( :( phone died before I sent the tag and I lost it all! :(

Oh no, crappy phone! My computer glitched away one of my posts earlier too >_<

[voice]

bleurgh - technology!

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