I was upset before then...I haven't been feeling very motivated to do much since Riku broke things off and I'm very disgusted with myself and how pathetic it is. There's something seriously wrong with my brain sometimes.

[He makes a thoughtful noise.]

I wish I had things like that to distract me. I haven't...well I didn't think much about getting things like that. I have a few books I got from the Christmas ship, but I've read them, many times over.

Instead of doing nothing I should have been working on my exercises with my sword. I got too confident and I was seriously hurt because of it. Dying would have been preferable to the pain I went through, but that's not how it went.

Since then, since Riku yelled at me again, I've been thinking about what it means to be a Jinrou, because he's right. I need to consider that.