Because they aren't all of my family. Leanne needs this place to restore herself, Naesala is doing better here too. And I need to face this part of me so that I can conquer it, yoi.

[Sighs, and reaches an arm back to ruffle Ikki's head in spite of the other man's attempts to move away.]

That's right.

Or maybe we tell them the truth, so they understand... so that they know it still hurts us to deal with the entirety of it all. Isn't that what it means to be us? Maybe there really shouldn't be joy without pain, but that doesn't mean there shouldn't ever be any joy either, aye?

[He leans his head back and lets out a long mournful note in phoenix, full of everything. The loss, the sorrow, the joy. Sometimes he felt like living on instead of the others was a punishment. But it would be disrespectful to the fallen to just give up and not to make the most of it, to refuse any kind of joy just because it was fleeting, just because it hurt.]

[He couldn't cry again, but he felt like he might as well be anyway.] To live on is the worst.